What’s up with TV3? Are the powers-that-be who control stuff there so desparate for viewers they have to resort to making shit up? On Friday’s Sunrise (that god-awful breakfast news programme with the tall dude who used to be on Shortland Street many moons ago who appears to be an even worse presenter than he was an actor, some chick and a dog) they did a fake “Lady Gaga walkout” routine.

Yep, the had some pillock dress up as Lady G and then had her pretend to storm off in a huff after having to wait too long for her interview.

Why? Do they really dislike the singer or are they just trying to create some buzz to bolster their ratings?

I guess it doesn’t really matter what the answer to that question is, the fact that TV3 would try to discredit a celebrity in that way when it’s not justified speaks volumes about the station.

Pathetic.

I was checking out the kittens on Trade Me the other day, as you do, when I came across a Birman/Manx/polydactyl mix. Can you imagine what Seymour the Wonder Cat would make of this?

It was a cute little beast with a stumpy tail, just like our Seymour, but a few more toes. As you’d expect, it being a polydactyl and all.

I was tempted. Very tempted. But then I thought about it again. Did I really want a six-toed cat (is it just me, or can you hear the theme from Deliverance, too? You sure do have a purdy mouth … )

Ah well, in the end I decided Seymour would probably just tease the poor wee bugger about it six-toed, banjo-plucking freakishness so I thought it was better to leave the wee beastie for someone else. Check it out here if you’re in the market for a very cute wee moggy.

 A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his  throat.

Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

“Well, it was like this”, said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our  balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was looking around noticed that one of the cows had something white at its rear end.

” I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a  golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle  of the cow’s arse,” he said.

“That’s when I made my big mistake.”

 ”What did you do?” asks the doctor.

“Well, I lifted the cow’s tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours’.”

 ”I don’t remember much after that.”

they might look cute but squirrels are nothing more than furry little street thugs.

If you’re going to nick something, make sure it’s not something that will come back and bite you on the bum, like the not-so-bright dude who was sprung trying to liberate a security camera. Caught on camera, in fact.

Is it just me or are our criminals becoming dumber by the day?

ON THE WEB

• Thief caught on camera puts his hand up

Holy crap, there’s a racing car that runs on chocolate.

I could run on chocolate. Perhaps I’m a racing car in a parallel universe?

But I digress. The environmentally friendly little beast is dubbed the world’s first sustainable Formula 3 racing car and has a top speed of 135 miles an hour. Hmmm, maybe I’m not a racing car after all.

The University of Warwick is responsible for the, ahem, sweet ride.

ON THE WEB

• Racing car runs on chocolate